Two poems from Ismene’s Survivable Resistance

Ismene after the Royal Commission

the truth is I went back

to the ruins of the house

I paid with my being to live in

the gate like an opening and closing in the heart

my dead mother  still living in the one room not burnt out

the floor forever giving

someone swallowed a mouthful of her dressmaking pins

you have a persecution complex she would say

now they stand accused

I watched it burn

my history wearing a meaning mask

don’t cause conflict she would say

I couldn’t save my mother

my heart is not banging in the walls

it is the vulnerability in my chest

the wall of words I push through

realising it’s a bead curtain

you are over sensitive

I go to say something and …

there is a vacuum

there is an empty space at the table for me

I couldn’t save my sister

forgetting is a stone

the only place she looks alive is in my dreams

the pretending was so profound it became forecasting

all that is left of the window is the brown crucifix of a wooden frame

the floor tilting towards the viewer

emptied of arrival

there are three wooden chairs summoning resurrection

Ismene’s Patent Foramen Ovale closure

was I just a plot device in Antigone’s story

a disposable body at a crime scene

her shadow still on me

a gatekeeper in dreams

a disposable body in a crime scene

the fourth wall dismantled

gatekeepers dream

separating like oil and water

the fourth wall dismantled

the child in the photo looking out from engagement and enquiry

mind and body separating like oil and water

smiling at the photographer

the child in the photograph looking out of engagement and enquiry

standing room in the heart only

I was thinking the best of the photographer

Underneath it all emptied of story

standing room in the heart only

I put you away in a tabernacle

underneath it all emptied of story

I sit till the sediment settles

I put you away in the tabernacle heart

pinning myself to the page with every word written

I sit till the sediment settles

like skinning an unconscious mouse

pinning its skin back with every word written

revealing its chest to see it beat

skinning an unconscious mouse

I wake feeling I have been running

I opened its chest to see its heart beat

when I’m pinned madness feels like freedom

I wake feeling like I have been running all night

don’t fall in love with the messenger

pinned madness is freedom

he said I’m happy if I’ve fixed your migraines as well

don’t fall in love with the messenger

I didn’t say I’m glad my body was of service in your story

my cardiologist said if I’ve fixed you I’m happy

in the ultra sound I saw the four chambers 

I didn’t say I’ve advocated for this for four years of specialists on chesterfields

I saw the wall thickened were the metal device is in place

the four chambers of my heart a flap waving in the flow

her shadow still on me

the wall thickened with the metal device in place

no longer a plot device robbed of story