Two poems from Ismene’s Survivable Resistance
Ismene after the Royal Commission
the truth is I went back
to the ruins of the house
I paid with my being to live in
the gate like an opening and closing in the heart
my dead mother still living in the one room not burnt out
the floor forever giving
someone swallowed a mouthful of her dressmaking pins
you have a persecution complex she would say
now they stand accused
I watched it burn
my history wearing a meaning mask
don’t cause conflict she would say
I couldn’t save my mother
my heart is not banging in the walls
it is the vulnerability in my chest
the wall of words I push through
realising it’s a bead curtain
you are over sensitive
I go to say something and …
there is a vacuum
there is an empty space at the table for me
I couldn’t save my sister
forgetting is a stone
the only place she looks alive is in my dreams
the pretending was so profound it became forecasting
all that is left of the window is the brown crucifix of a wooden frame
the floor tilting towards the viewer
emptied of arrival
there are three wooden chairs summoning resurrection
Ismene’s Patent Foramen Ovale closure
was I just a plot device in Antigone’s story
a disposable body at a crime scene
her shadow still on me
a gatekeeper in dreams
a disposable body in a crime scene
the fourth wall dismantled
gatekeepers dream
separating like oil and water
the fourth wall dismantled
the child in the photo looking out from engagement and enquiry
mind and body separating like oil and water
smiling at the photographer
the child in the photograph looking out of engagement and enquiry
standing room in the heart only
I was thinking the best of the photographer
Underneath it all emptied of story
standing room in the heart only
I put you away in a tabernacle
underneath it all emptied of story
I sit till the sediment settles
I put you away in the tabernacle heart
pinning myself to the page with every word written
I sit till the sediment settles
like skinning an unconscious mouse
pinning its skin back with every word written
revealing its chest to see it beat
skinning an unconscious mouse
I wake feeling I have been running
I opened its chest to see its heart beat
when I’m pinned madness feels like freedom
I wake feeling like I have been running all night
don’t fall in love with the messenger
pinned madness is freedom
he said I’m happy if I’ve fixed your migraines as well
don’t fall in love with the messenger
I didn’t say I’m glad my body was of service in your story
my cardiologist said if I’ve fixed you I’m happy
in the ultra sound I saw the four chambers
I didn’t say I’ve advocated for this for four years of specialists on chesterfields
I saw the wall thickened were the metal device is in place
the four chambers of my heart a flap waving in the flow
her shadow still on me
the wall thickened with the metal device in place
no longer a plot device robbed of story
