The Promise of Minty Fresh Breath Not Included

by Marc Tetlow

Dear valued customer,
We hope that you enjoy your purchase.
We appreciate your loyal custom
Thank you for shopping with us again.
Please keep in mind that we are always
Happy to provide an ongoing
Support free of charge as part of the
Package for this astounding item
Once again, thank you for purchasing
Supernova Apparatus!
Fresh from the factory, straight to you.
Your bedroom will never look the same
Be the envy of your neighbourhood
And let it rain sulfur and brimstone
Onto your most hated enemies.
Please be advised: this product can lead
To maggots crawling in your lost friends,
Do not let that discourage you, sir
Supernova Apparatus!
Is a product that pays for itself.
By making three easy payments of
Nineteen dollars and ninety-five cents
You are well on the way of boosting
The overall value of your home.
Please take note that it is as much a
Valuable collectors item as
It is a destroyer of whole worlds.
Click here for more great savings.

Alec Patric

AS Patric is the award-winning author of The Rattler & other stories (Spineless Wonders, 2011), Las Vegas for Vegans (Transit Lounge, 2012) and Bruno Kramzer (Finlay Lloyd, 2013).

Overland is a not-for-profit magazine with a proud history of supporting writers, and publishing ideas and voices often excluded from other places.

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  1. What I like about this poem Marc, is the kind of mindset it describes. Everything is business as usual, whether we’re talking Copenhagen or the end of the world.

  2. Thanks guys, it’s a real honour to be posted here on the overland blog despite the fact I am somewhat undereducated.

    You can all be assured that life shall be business as usual when I take over this world with my army of biogenetic salmon (still currently a work in progress) and you shall all all suffer at my heel. It will be good for the environment because the only person in the world with electricity and running water shall be me bwa ha ha ha haaaaa.

    And I actually tried to use that answering machine thingy when answering my Uncles phone while he was driving. My response was “ha ha Tetls, you a***. Shut the f*** up and put Gazamataz on.” So it doesn’t work work as well as I might of hoped 😀

    And again, I am stoked that this was submitted by Alec. Thank you so much!

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