Type
Article

$5 jesus poetry, with crazy elf and his ninja

jesus-slam

Crazy Elf wants you to pay $5 to slam poetry about Jesus for so his ninja can throttle you…Wait, let me start that again. The Overload Poetry Festival Poetry Slam is set to be an amazing affair, with heats held across Melbourne leading to a final at Dante’s on Thursday September 10, and culminating in a Skype slam with Bristol Poetry Festival on Saturday September 12.  Now those are some high stakes. Wednesday night’s Jesus (themed) Slam at Bar Open (hot on the heels of the September 11 slam last month) will be a qualifierfor the Overload Slam Final.

The Overland Overloaded team caught up with Overload’s Slam MC the umm…very colourfully spoken Joey Kurtschenko – aka Crazy Elf:

When and where is the poetry night that you MC?
First Wednesday of every month at Bar Open, 317 Brunswick St. Doors open at 7pm for an 8pm start. Unlike other poetry gigs, it actually fucking starts at 8pm, because I don’t have time to cater to late coming c*nts.
Pardon?
Yes, late coming c*nts.
People really want to hear poetry in Melbourne that often?
No, but people will come along once a month to laugh their arses off and hurl abuse at people on stage. It’s less about the poetry and more about the audience being able to hurl unbridled abuse at people on stage. I’m being very liberal with the term “people”, though, as I’m referring to poets.
Seriously?
No, seriously I’d call them c*nts, but I think I said that too many times already.
No, seriously. How do you make them rock up?
Oh! Well I just stopped referring to poetry in the press releases and instead focussed on the fact that you can hurl abuse at anyone on the stage. People turned up in droves after that. Also we have a ninja. How many other gigs have a ninja? None, that’s how many, and if any of them get one I’ll fucking sue.
No other bribes?
Bribes? Fuck bribes! I’m going straight for litigation. C*nts.
How long has it been running for?
I don’t know, over a year? It’s getting onto two years. I think it’s a year and a half. A long while, anyway. Seems like a good long while. It also runs all year around, because taking a break over Christmas is fucking moronic. I don’t understand why poets need to take a break over the holiday period. It’s not like they have jobs to go to or anything.
Why is it even still running?
Because I’m fucking awesome, it’s seriously fucking funny, and the ninja likes to hurt anyone on stage. She seriously hates those fucks.When will it ever stop?Probably never. If I stop doing this someone else will take the reins. That’s how it’s supposed to go. You run a gig, you show others how to do it, and then you hand over control to them. A few slams have sprung up interstate in response to this one. That’s how it should be. There’s a few people that could step in and run the slam should I be unable. That’s right, fuckers! You can’t fucking stop me! I’m an army now!
Poetry, why?
I allow anything on that stage provided it doesn’t involve musical instruments or backing music. Comedians tend to do okay up there, as well as singers. I don’t really care what gets up there as long as it’s entertaining, and even if it isn’t the audience will rend them limb from limb.
Are you insane?
Hence the name.
Are you sure?
Crazy Elf. Spelt C – R – A – Z – Y. It means insane. Look, anyone can get on that stage and do their thing. Anyone. All you have to do is be entertaining. If you’re not entertaining, fuck you. The audience will let you know and you can go home and cry or jump off something high or something. Besides, the prize is TEN DOLLARS! You better be fucking talented to walk away with that kind of money.
Ummm….Someone told me something about you using violent ninja’s to silence poets who go overtime. So there’s truth in it?
Yep. Last time she attacked someone she threw plastic chairs at him, then whipped him with a foam sword. Unfortunately for him, the foam came off the sword and there was just a firm plastic rod. He ended up screaming in pain. It was beautiful.
Plug your venue
Bar Open, 317 Brunswick St, Fitzroy. $5 to get in. You can’t get in for free, either, because I hate you all.
Plug it harder
We have an audience that is made up of people with real jobs that aren’t poets. If you think you’re good, you can come to this gig and prove it. Get a mechanic or auditor to be entertained by your work if you think you’re that good. But seriously, I don’t have to pimp this gig to poets. Audiences are big, the show is awesome, and everyone that gets on that stage gets better every time. If that’s not enough motivation for someone I don’t see why I should care.
Plug your events
I think anything with “Slam” in the title is one of mine. Come to those and see the ninja hit people. She’s awesome.
Anything else you want to plug?
No.
Break it down:
Come to the damn slam
Unless you’re a fucking c*nt
In which case go die

Overland is a not-for-profit magazine with a proud history of supporting writers, and publishing ideas and voices often excluded from other places.

If you like this piece, or support Overland’s work in general, please subscribe or donate.

Comments

  1. Um, hang on? I was under the impression the final was on Friday September 11 – and indeed that’s what it says on one of the Overload Slam pages. Another one of the pages says it’s on Thursday September 10.

    So which one is it?

    Damn, going to have to mail now and find out.

    (It’ll be damn good – whichever day it’s on.)

  2. Maxine – got an email from Luis just then. He says the date’s September 11, and the webpage saying September 10 will be changed soon.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>